i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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