Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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