it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
there was a trapeze. enough said
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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