thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
