it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
only you would photoshop your dick
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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