I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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