the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
