I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize