WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
