so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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