he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Are we still banned from the library?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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