Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
