The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
