You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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