He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
