Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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