what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
