Redeem this text for a blowjob
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
