You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
