i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
