somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
