youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
