My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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