The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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