Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
