He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
