he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
