He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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