Her vagina should come with caution tape.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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