So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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