Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
