do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize