FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
