My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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