just tell him i said nine months
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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