Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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