I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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