She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
