I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
