Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
