were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
