just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
