Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
