Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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