My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Houston, we have a blender
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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