I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
