I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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