i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Randomize
