im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
