My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
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