Sober January is a disaster.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
