So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize