I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
