i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
