we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
