i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
