I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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