I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
