We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
