if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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