there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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