I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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